Recently, a very close (great) uncle of mine passed away at the age of 49 due to a heart attack. My mother and my uncle grew up together. Although he was technically her uncle, they acted as cousins or brother and sister. Needless to say, she was devastated. It took a toll on everyone. My uncle was a man of dignity and character. Not only did he have extremely disciplined values, he also was one of the most fun guys you’d ever meet. His house in New York was the place of many get-togethers, family events, and parties. I never left his house empty handed. Sometimes against my mother’s will, he’d send me home to my grandmother’s house with little sparklers on the Fourth of July. When I first got into the car after school that Tuesday afternoon, my mom was on the phone and visibly upset. Upon hearing the news of his passing I was shocked. It took a good twenty minutes to truly grasp what had happened. All I wanted to do for a couple days was lie down and watch T.V. or be on the computer. I turned to my friends for comfort, which they all provided. From some of the most surprising places came encouragement and support. After a few days, I began to accept what had happened, going through the stages of grief. There are different stages of grief:
1. Denial
This is basically a conscious or subconscious refusal to accept facts. Upon first hearing of my uncle’s passing, I was in shock. I couldn’t grasp the concept.
2. Anger
You can be angry with yourself, angry at those around you because they haven’t lost what you have, angry at God for not preventing this from happening.
3. Bargaining
When faced with death, you may try to bargain with whatever God or deity you believe in. When loss of a relationship occurs, saying “Can we still be friends?” is a form of bargaining.
4. Depression
This stage is the stage in which you begin to accept what has happened. “Mood swings”, antisocial behavior, crying, even fits, and other unusual behaviors are common during this stage.
5. Acceptance
As you come to terms with your loss, you begin to gradually feel better. You can’t expect to get through the entire cycle of grief in a few days. You must give it time.
The stages of grief aren’t a cookie cutter set of steps in grieving, everyone follows them differently. The best advice I can give is to hang in there, and eventually, everything will be alright.
Dear Agony by Breakin Benjamin
